I Have So Much To Say...

Really, I do.

I want to talk about my hunt for a full-time emerg position for the end of my residency.

I want to talk about my new part-time job.

I want to talk about balancing medicine with being a mom, and the effect that one has on the other. 

I want to talk about the culture of abuse in medicine and why we shouldn't ignore it anymore.

I want to talk about some of the political bullshit that has been going on around our emerg department.

I want to talk about how going through medical training has changed me as a person... for better and for worse.

I want to talk about some of the crazy cases I've seen (with details changed to protect privacy, of course).

I want to talk about family medicine, and whether or not I'll continue to do it.

There is SO MUCH I want to talk about.

But instead, I am studying. Right now I have 16 days until my emergency medicine board exams. I have come to terms with the fact that I might not pass them. I feel like the other examinees are miles ahead of me. Besides having actually finished the residency program (I still have 3 months to go), they all have 2 months as staff emerg docs under their belts. I am no where near where they are right now, and I feel it. I'm trying not to panic, knowing that the only real consequence to failing this exam is the hit that I'll take to my pride. That, and the $2500 I'll have to shell out to write it again next year. But I'll still be employable. Even in full-time emerg. 

In the meantime, though, I've put my life on hold. I haven't even started to apply for full-time jobs. We haven't even looked into where we'd like to live. My baby weight is still firmly attached to my midsection. I haven't worked out since before getting pregnant. I can count the number of times I've gone for a run since giving birth on my fingers. I haven't read anything but my review books and Tintinalli for months. I've lost touch with long-distance friends and still have managed to live in this town for over a year without any semblance of personal life beyond my husband and my kid. I haven't cooked in so long I forget where our pots are kept. I haven't blogged in ages. 

But for better or for worse, in 19 days it will all be over. 

Thank God.