The world of medicine is like a bubble. A lot of people THINK they know what goes on there, but unless you're down in the trenches it's unlikely you do. So here is my semi-anonymous blog, here to tell you what really goes on in the life of a medical resident.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Bitter Barn: Population, Me.

I am SO done with this residency shit.

I am tired of having no control over my life.

I am tired of working my ass off for crappy pay.

I am tired of being the lowest rung on the ladder, and people thinking that they can shit on me as a result of that.

I am tired of having to listen politely while staff doctors bash each other incessantly.

I am tired of constantly being made to feel as though I know NOTHING, even if what I am currently not knowing is not something that I have ever come across before and will never use in my specialty of choice.

I am tired of the feeling that there are not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do as well as I want to do it.

I am tired of every second of my day being taken up by SOMETHING, leaving me no time at all to do nothing. I miss doing nothing.

I'm tired of people expecting me to show up to things that waste my time, just because I'm told to. Sitting through the same academic half days that I sat through during my maternity leave is NOT helpful, nor is sitting through ICU rounds when the topic is the utility and outcomes of various strategies of hemodialysis. 

I'm tired of living in a place where I don't have any friends to just sit with and vent over a glass of wine. Not that I'd be able to find the time to do so, but anyway...

I'm tired of feeling like the staff in the emerg all think I'm incompetent. Part of that might be paranoia, but when you listen to people bitch about their peers for long enough you start to wonder what's being said about YOU behind your back.

I'm just tired.

25 Comments:

Blogger Ian Furst http://www.waittimes.blogspot.com said...

easy couz - you're not alone. just a couple more LONG years and it will all be normal.

8:07 PM

 
Blogger ICU 101 said...

sounds like you're ready to be on your own... i remember that feeling well when i was in my final practicums for nursing...

i'm sorry life is sucking the hard one lately...

12:57 AM

 
Blogger ThinkerGoneMad said...

*hug*
Sounds like you need one...

1:41 AM

 
Blogger Liana said...

I was tired after just 2 years of residency, and you've done 3 plus you have a kid. Big hug for you. It'll be over soon, right?

4:15 AM

 
Blogger Can'tSpell, DVM said...

I felt like this all through vet school. It was great to get out and relize that there IS time to do nothing. Hang in there, your turn will come.

3:52 PM

 
Blogger Resident Anesthesiologist Guy (RAG) said...

Feeling that way myself. You mean I have 4 years of this?

5:07 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so did you pass the exam????


huh?! huh?!

8:20 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh stop your whining and toughen up! There are MANY who would love to be in your shoes. Your getting an amazing education and your going to be a DOCTOR!

9:02 PM

 
Blogger xuuya said...

Love you, seester!

Tell "9:02 Anonymous" that if they don't like it, they should shut the f*ck up and go read someone else's bag.

Man, what a douche.

xoxo

4:40 AM

 
Blogger xuuya said...

ha ha. bag=blog. I'm a douche too.

4:40 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hang in there!!! Almost there. it'll all be over soon.

Good Luck with everything! great blog!

2:07 PM

 
Blogger Resident Anesthesiologist Guy (RAG) said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:23 PM

 
Blogger Resident Anesthesiologist Guy (RAG) said...

Um, I thought you were *already* a doctor? What's up with anon 9:02's comment? Dumbass.

3:24 PM

 
Anonymous tired said...

Anonymous 9:20.... learn the difference between "your" and "you're"....

sorry, pet peeve

10:18 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least you have great hair! Hold that head up and toss that great hair. You know you are doing your best and you know you are a good doctor. Everyone else can stuff it.

3:13 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

update!!!

3:16 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if its any consolation I think its not you its that emerg. I can't imagine all the stuff that is said about me behind my back

9:17 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the next update is gonna be epic!

7:31 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

couz - just checking up on ya, still alive?

let us know how things are rolling :)

10:41 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey couz - you rock!

things will get better

9:03 AM

 
Blogger Genevieve said...

well, you just made me feel a helluva lot more comfortable with my decision for leaving school before embracing this bloody career. I have CF to thanks but your post puts it all in perspective.

It's a vicious community, that's for sure.

wish you the best.

3:12 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i just started working in a hospital, in the ED and we also have a rauma unit here. its my second week, no im not a MD/PA/
MA-im doing registration. but its A LOT to learn.but-I LOVE IT its very exciting.i actually just got off my 1st late shift with more to come. i cant sleep.its 3.10am and im wound up on coffee...u know! i know u have more stress than i, but i understand how u said u felt incompitent since it was newER to u...i feel that way.lots of pressure cuz i dont want the Drs to think im a dumbass cuz i know if i screw it up it puts u back. but i have seen people talk crap to me about other emplyees, and just today i was wondering wat people may be saying about me! lame huh. well, good luck in your career. i bet ur a great dr! and even tho i dont know u, im proud of u!!!--liz in CA this is the only job ive had where i actually look forward to going in! and boy o boy-have i seen some shit! literally too!

6:14 AM

 
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Blogger Just Friends said...

“There are no ordinary moments. There is always something going on.” – Peaceful Warrior
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